How to get and keep the love of your dreams

Amelia Jazienicki
Contributor
Most of us wonder if or when we will ever find “the one” – or, more realistically, someone who fits us well. We seem to be constantly searching for a person that fulfills the deepest dimensions of our identity.
Believe it or not, the satisfaction of these desires is well within your reach.
There are a few basic steps, though, that you’ll have to follow to get there.
First, dedicate some time to exploring yourself. Evaluate your personality: this includes strengths – such as the ability to make friends laugh – and weaknesses – like an extremely sensitive reaction when your friends don’t find your joke funny. No one can love you unless you embrace who you are. Ask your dearest friends to call you out –
sincerely – when they feel negative attributes are starting to show. The more confident you feel about your own personality, the more you will shine from the inside out. I’m talking about more than friends and family, though: it’s the same with relationships.
Once you reach a point where you’re comfortable with yourself, consider your talents and interests. These are secondary traits, and extend largely from your personality. Do you love singing, but suffer from stage fright? Try overcoming the shyness by becoming comfortable with yourself, then pursuing opportunities to perform.
Follow the avenues through which you can bring your interests forward, and share them with others. The best advice for meeting new people is establishing common ground; there is no difference between friendships and relationships in this respect.
It’s also a good idea to look within your already established network of friends and acquaintances if you’re trying to find someone ideal for you. There’s a distinct possibility you could establish a budding relationship with a pal you may not have considered before.
Before you start pursuing your friends, ask yourself a few questions: can you act like yourself around them? Are they sympathetic to your needs and always encouraging you to retain your independence? Maybe there’s already someone ideal for you right beneath your nose.
Lastly, when you do finally find someone you feel strongly about, follow this advice: never, and I mean never, divulge the woes of your past relationships within the first couple of dates. If the topic is brought up, change it or give a general answer – honest, but general. The sordid details can be discussed later on if a need arises.
Also, suggest dating locations that give the two of you a chance to truly get to know one another: an adorable cafe?, a quiet restaurant, maybe even a bowling alley. These venues let you see important things in your date, like their intellect, humour and even compassion. When these traits come through, assuming you have both been honest with yourselves and what you want, you will truly realize whether this person is ideal for a long-term relationship or not.