Jodie Vanderslot | Health Editor
Featured image: The looking-glass self has shaped our self-image and self-esteem. | Pouria Pourrasoli
When there is uncertainty regarding how others perceive you, it may lead to self-doubt. Maybe we overthink. We often misinterpret responses, tone, and body language, yet they still affect us—the way we see ourselves, or our self-image, is largely based on the reflections of the responses and evaluations of others in our environment. We observe their responses, in attempt to infer their inner thoughts.
The looking-glass self is a term coined by sociologist Charles Horton Cooley. According to his theory, a person’s perception of themself is shaped by what they believe others think of them. The groups, individuals, institutions, and ideas that surround oneself play a significant role in their socialization and understanding of the self, including one’s self-esteem.
Through the mediation of the mind, it is done unintentionally.
It is known as the “imagined self-image.” Cooley’s concept of the looking-glass self states that a person’s self grows out of their social interactions with others.
This theory is based on the idea of “reflected appraisals,” which is one of the main psychological theories about how one forms opinions of themselves. It explains that how one views themselves stems from the impressions of how others perceive them—rather, how one believes they are seen by others.
Regardless of how much one may wish another’s opinions won’t affect them, one’s apprehension of how others see them plays a large role in influencing confidence, personality, and the navigation of one’s interactions.
York Psychology professor Gordon Flett explains: “We know from extensive research that social self-esteem is one component of overall self-worth. Other components are academic/achievement self-worth, physical self-worth, and many others.
“People with positive relationships—romantic and otherwise—tend to be more outgoing and willing to approach others. Unfortunately, people who are finding it hard to connect with others can become avoidant and isolated, and this can make it even harder to find a partner, or make new friends.”
According to Cooley, this process has three steps. First, one imagines how they appear to another person. Second, one imagines which judgements are made based on said appearance. Lastly, how the person feels about them, based on the judgements made.
“The sense that we tend to judge ourselves according to how others see us has received widespread support in various research investigations. I am conducting research on a very important element of the looking-glass self,” continues Flett.
“People have a need to feel like they matter to others, and when others act towards us in ways that makes us feel important and significant, this perceived mattering can become an enormously positive resource that provides us with the capability of being interpersonal resilient, when other people act treat us in unfavourable ways (for example, criticizing, bullying, or excluding us).
“My best relationship advice is to let one’s partner know that they matter, and you really do care about them.”
Some opinions have greater leverage and matter more, such as ones coming from family members and those involved in close relationships. When there is intimacy and the potential to be judged or hurt, one can become more vulnerable and raw at the core.
Many want to believe the other person will see the best in them, and determining whether or not they do by what one sees in return.
Responding to this, Flett adds: “Relationships are really double-edged, because positive relationships are essential to how people see themselves, but poor relationships have a strong negative impact on us.”
