Munirul-Haq Raza | News Editor || Dennis Bayazitov | Assistant News Editor || Victoria Silman | Staff Writer
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In the wake of the recent successful rebellion by York’s Communist Fight Back (CFB) group in separating York into own independent communist state, Russian President Vladimir Putin has broadcasted a propagandistic video through his personal YouTube channel in support.
The video—unprecedentedly uploaded with no date stamp—runs just over two hours, providing a detailed overview of the path CFB has taken to reach this point.
“Congratulations to my fellow comrades in the CFB, who successfully followed in my predecessors’ footsteps to create an oppressive state for the students, by the students,” Putin says at the end of the video. “If you need pointers, give me shout, da?”
Inside sources report it took approximately six years of calculated preparation for CFB to indoctrinate an overwhelming majority of the York community, primarily guising socialist political operations as Liberal Studies programs, with the most intense changes occurring within the past two weeks.
The Deyorkulakization Campaign, first initiated during Frosh Week in early September 2017, began targeting the most influential group on campus with the greatest numbers: freshmen.
“Their political naiveté makes them the easiest to influence, because they haven’t learned a great deal in school yet,” explains one CFB spokesperson.
“We are able to mould them to our liking into the perfect, loyal comrades.”
Leading up to the last two weeks, the CFB enforced additional contingency measures to ensure support from the York community, including propaganda posters targeting the Free Speech for Fascists Club (FSfFC), coercing professors to further make the teachings of Marx and Lenin mandatory, erecting forced-learning YUlag classes, and further refining their weapons program to create enough arm strength to declare their sovereignty as a state. Stephanie Wrighter, CFB spokesperson adds: “We can’t comment on the weapons program, but we promise it’s transparent.”
In following up with the York Federation of Security, their Chief Recruitment Officer (CRO) reported he was merely 16 years old at its inception, and therefore cannot comment either. He does, however, reassure “there are no issues of transparency, as the weapons program is transparent.”
In the final stretch, Bethune College was the only remaining college that had not complied with the group. For lack of enthusiasm, CFB starved Bethune students of education until they conformed to their beliefs.
Regarding the treatment of Bethune College during the transition into a communist state, one Bethune comrade and first-year Orwellian major says: “Honestly though, it wasn’t that bad. I rather enjoy being a comrade, doing my part in growing our arms in battle. I even lost the freshman 15 I gained last year. Bless the united, mighty CFB!”
The past two weeks has seen a shake-up on Keele campus, with posters promoting the change appearing overnight on March 12 everywhere on campus—yes, everywhere.
“They managed to replace every toilet paper roll on campus with pamphlets for various rallies occurring throughout the week, including the ones in the stalls and the locked storage rooms around campus,” says Soo Doun, a member of the custodial staff.
“My colleagues spent two full-day shifts removing posters from the windows of the Bergeron Centre, which had all been fit together to fully cover every window of the building.”
YU Evolved, a student-run initiative advocating for online voting and increased democracy on campus, adds: “All our posters were covered up by those bloody Reds. We tried to take them down because that violates club rules, but they filmed and harassed us until we finally gave up.
“We’ve changed our views. Online voting is too sketchy—we don’t want it to be hacked. Dictatorships are better in the long run.”
After storming the Kaneff Tower, York has separated from Canada, becoming the Republic of United York Socialist Councils (RUYSC). The Tower now has a giant obelisk-shaped surveillance device to oversee the Republic. RUYSC is also simply referred to as the People’s University (PU).
In line with Communist practices, students will be required to dedicate at least 15 hours per week to YUlag forced-learning. So far, one YUlag has been erected and is located nearest to Kaneff Tower, so CFB can invite Putin and fellow comrades to oversee their success via the surveillance tower.
Another YUlag is currently under construction—to be placed in the former Religious Centre near Scott Library, though it will be titled: “The Illumination Centre.”
During what has been called the YUnited Revolution, CFB signed a non-aggression pact with the FSfFC, and together formed the Red-White Alliance.
After numerous failed attempts to forge alliances against the FSfFC, the CFB resorted to uniting with the FSfFC to further weed out corruption and imperialism within further broken Toronto colleges and universities.
With political tensions rising and comrade loyalties swaying, soon after their successful conquest of York’s Keele campus, the Red-White Alliance split their spoils on March 23. Schulich promptly allied with FSfFC, whereas Lassonde united with the CFB.
The Faculty of Science was divvied up equally between the two.
Since then, the CFB has occupied all remaining York faculties and colleges. Please help, send help now, we don’t have mu
In increasingly pursuing their own agenda, the FSfFC quickly banned all non-fascist free speech, saying it is only fascist free speech that matters, because it is the only one under threat—all other speech is leftist propaganda.
Anti-leftist rhetoric allegedly “caused some tension between FSfFC and CFB,” but one CFB comrade leader says this is all capitalist trickery started by counter-revolutionaries, and has called for a counter-counter-revolution to counter the counter-revolution.
After the annexation of Glendon by FSfFC, in which the FSfFC overthrew Glendon’s outdated security, a pro-FSfFC club ruled over Glendon. Glendon met the incoming FSfFC with limited resistance. The campus was signed over within eight hours.
All remaining Glendon clubs have united to form a resistance party called Free Glendonois Libre.
FSfFC, after securing several key Glendoinois resources, decided to invade the rest of York campus to take it over from the CFB, who view them to be “one of the biggest” conspirators. I’m the only one left. They’ve shut off the water and barricaded the door. Please, anyo
The FSfFC attempted to invade the PU last week, armed with water guns.
The FSfFC trusted York Prezident Vanda Lenin to pay the water bill to fill their weapons, however in failing to do so, the city ended up shutting off the water to York. This resulted in the FSfFC having no source of water for their guns.
In response to the lack of water on campus, the CFB has signed off on construction of a third YUlag to concentrate forces towards a human-powered dam. The YUlag, now the chief operating and mandatorilyenforced headquarters for The Komrades United for Public Education (KUPE) YU local 3903, will require 70 hours per week of work. However, members of the union will not be granted extra pay or benefits.
As of March 28, the former Schulich School of Business now consists of the Schulick Demokratische Republik (SDR)—East Schulick—and West Schulick.
East Schulick is now under CFB control. KUPE 3903 meanwhile—once empowered by the CFB’s solidarity—is rumoured to be contemplating an exit strategy, having now seen their ruthlessness firsthand. Scott Library Intelligentsia chatter reports amongst KUPE 3903 members suggest they are thinking of hosting a rebellion of their own. This does not seem likely, however, as the Great Rebellion of 2008 did not work in their favour. If so, this would be considered the countercounter- counter revolution to counter the anti-counter counter-opposition.
One April 1 intelligence report filed by an agent stationed in the SDR suggests their weapons program is actually an Arm Race to recruit on-the-ground personnel, authorized to use headlock-on-sight force.
“They’re recruiting people with strong arms. Men, women, and children. We aren’t sure what they’re going to do with them, but they’ve hinted towards detaining the non-compliant,” the intelligence report stated.
For intra-campus concerns, comrades are encouraged to visit the YUlag.
The Strikeday clock is currently set to one hour past midnight.
(Oh no, not the Bs!)
With files from Emilie Miranda
