Matt Dionne | Editor-in-Chief
Featured image | Rowan Campbell
The strike is now approaching week four, and it appears the two sides are no closer to reaching an agreement than they were when they first started bargaining.
Neither side is willing to budge, and students are caught in the middle. Furthermore, with classes continuing, students are being forced to pick a side: either stand with the administration and cross the picket lines, or stand with the union and refuse to cross the picket lines.
Neither option is ideal, as many students believe in CUPE 3903 members’ cause and do not want to cross the picket lines. However, those same students also want to get their money’s worth regarding the classes they paid for, and don’t want that to interfere with their ability to work during the summer.
Seeing as it doesn’t seem like an agreement is going to be made any time soon, I propose an alternative that can settle the labour dispute.
Boxing.
Each side will pick a champion to fight for them in the boxing ring. With the resurgence the sport has been having, it makes sense that it could be used as the vehicle to solve the dispute.
On one side, a fighter brawling on behalf of the administration—I can think of a few that would be willing to fight for York (for the right price, of course) including Floyd Mayweather, notorious bad guy of boxing.
Floyd has been the villain in nearly all his fights: people hated his attitude, his penchant for talking trash, and his arrogance, so it’s only fitting he would represent the administration accused of advertising “the best deals in the province.”
Another option is “Iron” Mike Tyson. The man was hated during his time at the top of the boxing world for resorting to dirty tactics when he was losing. He would be another strong fit for an organization that has been accused of bargaining in bad faith.
On the other side, a fighter representing the union. Having less to offer than the big bad administration, this fighter will likely have to agree with the union’s cause, as they won’t have the resources to pay them as much as the administration.
Saul “Canelo” Alvarez springs to mind. Having already fought Mayweather, it would make sense that Canelo would like to take another shot at the pound-for-pound king. It doesn’t hurt his case that he’s been acting like a diva lately, and refusing to fight unless the circumstances are just right (read: in his favour).
Evander Holyfield is another potential candidate to represent the union. Holyfield would make a perfect candidate, as he was notorious for never turning down a fight—even if there was a strong chance he would lose.
The two sides could even sell tickets, the proceeds of which could go towards funding the union’s demands—and York’s water bill.
It’s the perfect solution.
