Dan Krasney shares his experience and his tips on the gay dating scene
Vincent Rahming
Contributor
Dan Krasney strolls along a Bay Street sidewalk, facing the blistering morning winds of winter. He’s dressed in a black overcoat with dark blue jeans that are fit tightly against his legs. His hair is gelled to appear smooth and he’s dressed to impress.
As soon as he walks into the coffee shop, I notice the magazines he places in front of my latte; copies of The Advocate (a popular LGBT magazine) and Cosmopolitan. “These are my monthly bibles, just so you know,” he says.
“I will admit when it comes to picking up guys, it can be fun and challenging,” Krasney begins. “Sometimes I just wish the entire male cast of True Blood would come knocking at my door. Life would be so much easier.”
Krasney, a part-time student pursuing his nursing degree at the University of Toronto, is single and shares a two bedroom apartment with his roommate. Growing up, Krasney lived with his parents and found creative ways to pursue relationships with men. His exploits have left him with a collection of memorable stories.
“During my second semester in university, the first guy I decided to meet up with made me nervous. I was only 18 years old, and he wanted to meet for the very first time at my house at three o’clock in the morning,” says Krasney.
He gave the guy directions to his house. The guy parked his car a few houses down the street where they would meet. According to Krasney, the guy seemed nice, was easy on the eyes, and had a cute smile.
While hoping that their brief encounter would at least end with a hug or a good night kiss, Krasney distinctly remembers the guy’s cell phone started ringing in silent mode.
The guy nonchalantly grabbed the phone and looked at the caller ID before making eye contact with him. Not sure what to say, his date disclosed that he had a girlfriend and that his girlfriend didn’t know about this part of his life. Dumbfounded, Krasney didn’t know how to respond and spent the next hour listening to the guy assure him that he was not, in fact, gay.
“At that very moment, I learned my first lesson: never pick up a guy who is at war with his own sexuality,” Krasney said. “I didn’t know if I should have been upset, or feel sorry for him because he was extremely confused about what he wanted.”
It is a common trend to find men in deep denial about their sexuality, often attempting to live a double life and rationalize the results.
“He’s not the first guy I’ve met who was in denial or already in a heterosexual relationship,” says Krasney. “I think it’s safe to say that all of my gay friends have
been in similar situations meeting guys. You never know what
to expect.”
According to Krasney, one great tip to avoid such scenarios would be to venture into a gay bar. This would help eliminate your chances of meeting men on the down low and to also find countless men who are open enough with their sexuality.
Krasney met his first real date at a bar and couldn’t have wished for a better night.
At 19 years old, Krasney ventured downtown to Church Street, which has an array of gay bars and clubs. Like any other venue, these places all have something for those who either want to unwind with an ice-chilled Martini at Byzantium or dance’ til the brink of dawn at Fly Nightclub.
Krasney decided that his first club would be Woody’s, a hot spot down on Church Street. He laughs, “They call it Woody’s for a reason.”
Woody’s is arguably one of the most popular gay bars in the world. It is massive in size, with pool tables, multiple flat screen TVs, and a famous stage that is used to feature special guests and performances from popular drag queens.
“I will admit, even though I knew where I was going, a part of me felt nervous for some reason,” says Krasney. “I also decided to go alone. I guess a part of me wanted it that way. The moment I walked in, I let out a deep breath and soaked up the environment.”
There were men of all ages inside. As he listened to the music, he scanned the room and noticed men standing at the bars in business attire, some conversing around tables with pitchers of beer and a few showing their affections by holding hands in the dimly lit corners.
“Instantly, I remember thinking to myself, ‘now THIS is the place to meet a guy,’” says Krasney. “That same night, after a while, a guy approached me while I ordered a drink. I normally don’t drink, but thought I may as well just try to blend in. But when he came over, I needed that drink.”
Krasney gushed that the guy was gorgeous and stood well over six feet tall. The two hit it off. Talking about where they grew up and their interests, Krasney was mesmerized by the guy as they ordered more drinks and prolonged their conversation. After the second round of drinks, Krasney admitted that he started feeling lightheaded. Although he was enjoying the sudden encounter, he decided to call it a night and make his way home to catch the late night subway in time.
“We were having such a good time but then it had to end because of the TTC,” says Krasney. “I had to leave so I could avoid paying a long cab ride home.”
As they exited the bar and stood outside, there was an awkward moment. They both didn’t want to say goodbye, even more so, they didn’t know how. The guy asked Krasney for his number and after they exchanged numbers, they embraced with a hug. Afterwards, they kissed briefly on the lips.
Krasney recalls it being completely innocent. “I am not a fan of PDA,” says Krasney. “And here I am kissing some cute guy on a sidewalk.”
That kiss was worth it. Two weeks later, they met again and began to date. Their brief romance ended when the guy returned back to his hometown in Europe to complete his studies.
“I was sad when that happened,” says Krasney. “I knew from early on that there was a possibility of him returning home. The reality didn’t really hit us both ‘til towards the end. That made it more difficult. He was a great guy but we had to face what was to come.”
After the demise of their relationship, Krasney said the next few years were learning experiences. Learning to be more confident and approach guys who he was interested in. Though some of the relationships never worked out, he learned that if you don’t give up, things do work out for you.
Though currently single, Krasney is optimistic about the months to come. “Going to school and having a full-time job keeps me quite busy,” Krasney said. “This is temporary. But hopefully I’ll squeeze in some fun for Valentine’s Day.”
The gay guide to dating is rooted in common sense. You simply need to know what you’re seeking, ask questions, and never pretend to be someone you are not. Always leave room for the unexpected. It can be a good thing, it can be a bad thing, but you ultimately decide the route you are going to take.
