Luke Miles | Contributor
Featured Image: Coming out as LGBTQ+ may be one of the hardest things someone does in their life; It’s often not something that can be done quietly. | Jasmine Wiradharma
Unless you were lucky enough to grow up in an environment where you were allowed to slip quietly into your identity, coming out is considered an LGBTQ+ rite of passage. As many might already know, there is even a day for this: National Coming Out Day, a day specifically marked for LGBTQ+ people, which is observed every year on October 11. As outliers of society, being ceremonious about our identities is something we just have to do.
Coming out is often not a one-time event either. This is especially true if you are transgender.
Being trans myself, I’ve had to remind people of my preferred pronouns and chosen name countless times. I’ve had to let a whole team of medical professionals in on my secret, because I don’t get to be me without these people. They have access to my hormones, my needles, my operating tables. I had to tell them everything. I’ve had to show them everything too.
You don’t need to be trans to have a difficult time coming out, though. I recently asked one of my friends, a bisexual woman (who prefers not to be named), what coming out means to her. After coming out as a lesbian when she was 16, she later realized she was bisexual. She told me that changing her mind felt like a betrayal.
She referred to coming out as, “the most isolating and terrifying time of my life.” But once she did, she found most people were accepting, except for one friend. This friend, who was deeply Catholic, gradually stopped talking to her. She also described bi-erasure, the belief that bisexuality isn’t a legitimate sexual orientation, as an ongoing problem.
The difficulty of coming out can’t be understated. LGBTQ+ people don’t always anticipate positive reactions when sharing their identities with other people. I remember apologizing at least 10 times when I told my own mother that I couldn’t live as woman anymore. But I ended up being one of the luckier ones. I wasn’t disowned.
Not everyone in my position, or my friend’s position, fare as well. It’s estimated that at least 20 per cent of homeless youth in Canada identify as LGBTQ+. This is often due to discrimination at home. Many young LGBTQ+ people are forced to take to the streets where they struggle to get back on their feet.
LGBTQ+ rights have come a long way in the last few years, but coming out remains a challenging, ongoing, and frightening process. I hope for a time when coming out can be done with an offhand remark, instead of with a party.
