Miriam El Abbassi | Arts Editor
Featured image courtesy of Pexels
It is safe to say that online dating has forever changed the way people think about, and approach relationships—especially concerning the millennial generation, for which online dating has become incredibly commonplace. The stigma of meeting strangers online has diminished significantly, paving the way for an alternative method of finding one’s next date. Apps like Tinder and Bumble have seemingly made their way onto almost everyone’s phones, making the idea of chatting with a complete stranger behind a screen seem easier than approaching someone in real life at a bar or coffee shop.
Online dating apps have certainly helped dismantle some roadblocks that, in the past, might have hindered one’s ability to find a suitable partner. Things like lack of time, distance, and the varying demands of a hectic work and school schedule have all been virtually erased due to the portability and convenience of the apps so readily available on one’s smartphone.
This instant connection to hundreds of possible suitors can leave one feeling slightly jaded. The laborious process of swiping through your deck of matches, scanning through the profiles, having conversations online, setting up a date, and then actually going; repeating this over and over again until you find ‘the one’ worth actively pursuing.
This only differs from traditional dating in the sense that before, the possibilities were limited to coworkers, classmates, and mutual friends; a pool of people definitely not spanning into the hundreds.
Pickiness is a trait more people have begun to develop as a result of having an overflow of choices. According to Psychology Today, “It’s very easy to send one course back (or even one after another, after another, after another) when the menu is overflowing with other potential courses. The US Association of Psychological Science found that reviewing multiple candidates causes people to be more judgmental, and inclined to dismiss a not-quite-perfect candidate than they otherwise would be in a face-to-face meeting.”
The notion of disposability, something that may not have been so apparent before the rise of online dating, is much more present once you consider the fact that you now have the ability to scan through a catalogue of people and narrow down potential candidates. Getting to know someone by digging into their profile, quickly deciding whether or not that person is worth investing time and emotions in, is a much more refined, and less time consuming process.
Of course, the rise of online dating does have a few drawbacks, partly contributing to the prevalence of ‘hookup culture.’ This is a term used to describe casual sexual encounters that lack any long-term commitment, and have become heavily associated with the use of dating apps. It is almost as if the act of online dating has become synonymous with hookups, so much so that even if one were to be looking for a genuine relationship, the likelihood of them finding someone who reciprocates that may be slim.
Catfishing is a hilarious topic, as long as it isn’t happening to you. People being less than truthful about their actual appearance has existed as long as photo editing software has, and is definitely nothing new. The release of the documentary Catfish, and then the subsequent TV spinoff has sensationalized this phenomenon incredibly; this has made society more cautious as a whole. If any stigma still exists surrounding online dating, it is most likely partly due to shared fear of being catfished.
A lot of work goes in, with only the possibility of finding a ‘maybe’ (in the best case scenario). Due to this, many may find themselves going on a marathon of consecutive dates, simply because they’re able to as a result of having a large pool of local singles at their fingertips. No matter how detached one is from the situation, it can be incredibly emotionally overwhelming, especially if this is a process that is repeated often. This was not a possibility when a person’s only options were their coworkers or friends of friends.
Sara Waisglass, a third year screenwriting student, expresses similar grievances about her online dating journey, “Using Tinder and Hinge and Bumble only make me wish I could meet someone in person.” Experiences like this are not uncommon, in fact some may say they’re the norm with dating apps. An endless revolving door of awkward dates and random instances of ghosting, a roller-coasting of hope and inevitable disappointment, can really leave one feeling drained and discouraged. This kind of occurrence happens more often when people who are seeking genuine relationships use dating apps as a means to do so, where an overwhelming majority are not looking for the same.
Some may say it was a “Tinder revolution” that changed the dating landscape as we know it, allowing for the more transactional/on-demand encounters to become more mainstream, and less taboo. While this could be considered a win for the masses, it comes at the expense of people who use those apps for their less popular function-to find a genuine relationship.
Seyed Navidi, a third year cinema And media studies student, describes his less-than optimal experience using dating apps: “I didn’t really know what to expect using apps like Tinder. I vaguely knew they were known for hooking up, and that wasn’t what I was looking for, but that was all I was met with. It kind of discouraged me from using them further.”
Again, it is not uncommon to find experiences such as this, as the overall attitude towards online dating is more so focused on short-term interactions.
With such an increase in accessibility, and the ability to connect to so many people in a matter of seconds, it may seem strange that many people find the seeking of lasting relationships harder with the presence of these apps. It might be because society’s views on relationships, as a whole, have changed, adopting a less rigid definition. Whether or not that impact is positive or negative entirely depends on the individual, and their own perspective.
Dating apps have paved the way for more adventurous exploration, empowering people to take charge in any way they chose, whether the encounter is casual or otherwise; the options are endless- literally. While setting up a line of consecutive dates is not for everyone, it definitely increases the odds, if one were to look at dating apps as purely a numbers game. The cost to keep playing is very low, and the level of commitment even lower, so that may be the factor that continues to draw people in. A match gives users the initial rush to keep swiping, which these companies like Tinder realize. The random notifications through, like a message or a new match will elicit a similar rush, and receiving validation in that form from potential strangers can foster a kind of dependency which will only keep users on the apps for even longer.
Serial dating in this manner has the potential to negatively impact relationships, as people may be less inclined to work things out, due to having a lengthy list of other options. Experiencing troubles with one person? Well, there are many other potential suitors that can easily, and quickly, take their place.
Cutting things off with someone so abruptly, making it seem like you’ve dropped of the face of the planet, or “ghosting” as it is now known, can have its own set of consequences for both parties involved. That kind of rejection with zero sense of closure can leave a lasting impression on the one being ghosted, as well as leave the one doing the ghosting with feelings of guilt and shame they may carry over to future relationships. Becoming too comfortable with ghosting will only make breaking that habit even harder in the future, when it comes time to dealing with the natural eb and flow of a genuine relationship.
Ghosting can also perpetuate the notion of potential suitors being expendable, since, for every couple of swipes, a match is bound to occur. So why stick with a “maybe,” when there are plenty of other matches? This makes actual dating that much harder, as the incentive to stick with someone who may seem great, but may be a notch below “perfect,” is not as high when users are able to swipe infinitely in search of the perfect partner. This brings into question two very distinct viewpoints; that people have risen their standards to where they don’t accept anything less than what they feel is their ideal partner, or they are disillusioned into believing that if they keep searching, eventually they will find someone who checks off every box. The actually reality tends to be the latter, misplaced hope that eventually the “right” one will appear just after one more swipe.
In the old days (i.e about two decades ago), people relied on loose social ties offline to connect them to their next date. These social ties would normally consist of acquaintances or mutual friends, as people are more likely to date a person connected to their friendship group, or someone they met somewhere, and less likely to form a romantic relationship with a close friend. If this were to be applied today, many may find it harder to go about securing a date, as the concept of approaching a complete stranger may be foreign to a lot of people, whereas sending someone a message through an app is less daunting.
By today’s standards, society is clearly moving in a direction which favours the accessibility and convenience of online dating.
