This is not a democracy

Brent Rose
Managing Director
You win.
I’ve decided to switch sides this election and back the winning team. Sure, you can call me a flip-flopper – I supported the incumbents’ cause before I came to York. For a while I sided with the minority because I thought the majority leaders were self-centred and ignorant, and that I could make a diff erence (man, I used to be idealistic).

Yes, that’s right, the election is over without a vote. The majority wins again – the majority of York students who don’t care.
Congratulations to the victorious; let’s all go to The Apathy Party’s HQ to celebrate (really, all you have to do is stay where you are and drink a beer in unadulterated silence). You deserve it, for not letting idealism and liberty take control of your life.
Boy, those Egyptians are fucked in the head – fighting against a corrupt government and a brutal police force so they can check off a little box on an insignificant piece of paper to choose one idiot over another. Who does that? People died in Egypt, and they deserved it for being insanely optimistic, thinking they could overthrow their wise and benevolent dictator-president Hosni Mubarak. He instituted oppressive policies, stimulated a poor economy and ignored stupid youth who have no stake in Egypt’s future (sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me).
York should be more like Middle-Eastern countries like Egypt before those dang young folk messed things up, God dangit.
Nobody really votes or, this year, runs against the incumbent slate; so why don’t we scrap the entire student union elections. Who needs them? They’re a huge waste of money anyways.
Let’s make the new York Federation of Students (YFS) president and vice-presidents a life-term appointment. That way we can avoid all that unnecessary debating and voting. Also, with a lifetime appointment, I’m sure the new president would gain the experience and wisdom to deter things like corruption, inequality and injustice. Oh man, Mubarak did such a good job overseas, I wish – are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Mubarak YFS el presidente 2011 to 4EVER!
That is such a great idea for York. Think about it.
He has ruled an entire country for 30 years (that’s more than any YFS candidate could say), he can negotiate like Bruce Willis from Die Hard (he doesn’t give in to popular demand easily like those other cowards) and, best of all, he will run things so secretly it would be like a York student union never existed (he has an amazing track record for being non-transparent).
Also, you don’t have to worry about replacing Mubarak after he [cough] dies. The shadow government he installs in the YFS will ensure that the next YFS president is either his son or an inanimate carbon rod.
For somebody who doesn’t care, I rambled on for quite a bit. Damn, I guess I’m still learning. I’m sure all you apathy pros flipped to the next page after reading the overly dramatic headline (the apathy gurus are so good they don’t even read Excalibur).
I want to be remembered like other famous apathetic people who, frankly, don’t give a damn like Rhett Butler or that guy, Gary… something. You know? He works at the gas station. He drives a Jeep. Everybody remembers – ah, who cares?