Anna Voskuil | Copy Editor
Featured image | Rowan Campbell
I’ll admit it—I’m one of the world’s biggest hopeless romantics. I find that it seems to be the case with many of us single people—the “lovers without a lover,” a term I use for myself quite often—we have the highest expectations when it comes to romance.
We often hear, time and time again: “it’ll happen when you least expect it,” or “never settle for less than you deserve,” and “you’ll find somebody someday,” when we express our woes to friends, family members, or co-workers that are already in relationships.
While I understand these sentiments come from a place of genuine hope and positivity for someone, it often becomes tiring, pointless, and counter-productive when you’re at the receiving end of them, especially considering that for the advisor, these are easy statements to accept. They already have a partner, and don’t have to worry about the pressure or pursuit to find one—which often makes us single people feel even worse about ourselves.
I’ve found that the more I heard and took the above advice, the more lonely and upset I felt about my own life. Ultimately, it reminds us of what we lack—or feel pressured to believe that we are lacking—a relationship. In fact, I spent two years so focused on this looming pressure that ultimately, I felt even worse about myself than I did before.
When you’re single in your 20s, you already have enough reminders of your relationship status to begin with. Everywhere you turn, everyone seems to be finding love in the blink of an eye, engagement announcements show up by the hundreds on your social media feed, friends who already have significant others try to set you up with a potential suitor, and everyone around you unconsciously pushes the belief that without a relationship, you are always lonely and should be actively trying to find someone.
You know what I say to that? Back off. After spending so much time as a living embodiment of the “sad single” stereotype—and for that behaviour to be encouraged by my environment—and for the times where others said how “sorry” they were to hear I was single, I’m tired.
I’m tired of the pressure, the repetitive sentiments, the dating sites, and everything else.
This will be the first Valentine’s Day in two years that I will be experiencing as a single person, and honestly, I couldn’t be happier. While I learned much about myself and what I like from my past relationships, I feel that this Valentine’s Day will mark the day where I have realized the truest form of happiness and love—in myself.
While I know I want to find a relationship one day, I’m not in any rush, and you shouldn’t be either. Don’t feel that you need to date anyone that comes by, just for the sake of having a date on Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately, many people will go down this road, as our culture is so terrified of being alone.
I will close with this sentiment, from one single person to another: relationships are not the be-all-end-all of happiness. Love who you are, participate in self-care, don’t date if you know you’re not ready, and celebrate your individuality—after all, you deserve it!
