Etiquette is one of the first things we are taught, with ‘I’m fine, thank you’ being one of the first answers. The problem? Responding with, ‘I’m fine, thank you’ cloaks an array of unheard thoughts. Thoughts that, if left unaddressed, can become too much to bear.
As the curtains of life are drawn open, adolescents are gifted a storm of problems. The drastic shift from assignments to job searches is indeed terrifying. But what if, while walking down that soup aisle in Walmart someday, you see your old friend from college, and they ask, “How are you?”
What should a fitting reply be? Obviously, it’s subjective. It depends on how the person feels at the very moment of the question being asked, but is this what most people do?
Our replies prove to be rather obscure and we resort to ‘I’m fine, thank you.’ Deliberately ignoring the mountainous strife that one might be under, we tend to overlook reality for a fleeting second and assume a state of calm in our heads.
But why turn a blind eye to one’s own strife? Consider the following:
- A person would rather share their joys than their miseries. They’d keep the bad hidden and advertise the good. Why show an empty well, instead of one where plenty dwell?
- Our swelling anxiety owing to texting instills a fear of real-life conversations. To stop the anxious heart from beating too fast, the mind assumes a perfect state.
The devil is in the details and in our case, the devil is housed behind the word ‘fineʼ — the tone in which it is said, the pause that comes before it, and the smile growing fainter or wider after it. The onus then falls on the questioner to decide what mood best describes their friend, and whether to dig deeper or not.
Life, like the story of Sisyphus, is a continuum of struggle. In its well-known depiction, Sisyphus is seen pushing a giant boulder up on a steep hill. Like him, one must push through life constantly. Failing to do so would mean having to start at zero. It is the nature of life to be at struggle, with an occasional sprinkle of joy if you’re lucky. If only the painting was drawn wide enough to show the many others struggling to push their own boulder.
Everyone is going through something at all times. We can either choose to be vocal about it, or keep it hidden deep. One must then decide whether to bear the burden of empathizing with someone or to keep from adding on to the existing pile of troubles.
It’s a choice that is to be made. But before that comes the choice to ask the question itself, which is best left for the people to decide. For all I know, if I were to spot an old friend shopping in the same aisle as me, I’d avoid putting on the veil of being ‘fine’ on my worries and walk right past, pretending not to know them.
