MTax

Too good for the OUA

 

Uzodinma UkagwuSports Editor

Featured Image: The Lions getting into game mode during one of their matches. | Courtesy of York Lions


The president of the OUA, Peter Piper, announced last Thursday that the OUA board of directors reached a unanimous decision to award the York Lions men’s soccer team next year’s OUA title. This announcement comes after several consecutive seasons of success for the Lions, who have won five of the last six OUA titles.

In his announcement, Piper remarked: “The Lions are just too good to be in this league. The men’s soccer OUA competition is now pointless. The board of directors decided it would save all the teams the trouble this year and just award the title to the York Lions. They would have won it anyway.”

Reacting to the news the following day, Lions coach, Juan Carrasco said he was: “Pleasantly surprised by the development,” but that the Lions would have preferred to win the title “the regular way.” He, however, agreed with the general sentiment that the Lions had become too good for the league, and urged the university management to immediately begin exploring the possibility of a York MLS franchise.

“We have proven over and over again that we have outgrown the OUA.” Carrasco says. “The provincial and national leagues are not much better. My boys are tired of mediocre football and want a new challenge. I urge the university to give this team what it truly deserves, a Major League Soccer franchise. We are one of the best teams in North America and we should be playing in the best league.”

The idea of a York MLS franchise has generated much buzz on campus as the York student community seems to be overwhelmingly in support. A petition asking the management to pursue a franchise was started by Leroy King, a third-year psychology major, after the coach’s comments on Friday. The petition had more than 10,000 student signatures by Tuesday night. The university management has yet to respond.

Janet Chima, a first-year biology student, says: “I think the OUA made the right decision because the only thing that would come of a game would be hurt feelings on the part of the opposition.” On the Lions’ MLS prospects, Michael Banana, a fourth year economics major says: “Our team is so good. They’ll probably win the MLS title in their first year.”

In the meantime, the Lions might get a chance to play against two of Europe’s best teams this summer, as the university finalizes talks to play Juventus and Paris St. Germain when they stop in Canada on their off-season tour. York Athletics is set to make the announcement in early April.


DISCLAIMER: Everything published in this week’s issue (with the exception of advertisements) is satirical; it is not intended to communicate any true or factual information.

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