Vanessa Chambers-Stewart | Staff Writer
Featured image: It is hard to maintain a relationship with siblings who fail to understand and accept that there are differences between family members. | Courtesy of Pixabay
I’ve always found it interesting how two children can grow up in the same household and possess completely different interests. I also question the siblings who live in the same house and aren’t aware of their brother’s or sister’s favourite colour or food.
As discussed elsewhere, there are many different dynamics that can be classified as friendship, and they can vary from person to person. How many of us are guilty of calling that “look-alike” friend our cousin? How many of us call our close friend our sister or brother?
As an adult, I’ve realized that sometimes classifying people into certain categories doesn’t always work, and often, it’s best to leave friends as friends, and some family members as friends. However, my own thoughts were challenged when I overheard a passenger on the bus say into her phone: “My siblings are my friends; I don’t need anybody else.”
In that moment, I tried my best to imagine what my life would be like if my siblings were my best friends, and realized that it wouldn’t work. Even though it was uncommon for me to hear such a bold statement, I started questioning what contributing factors may lead to solely siblings being classified as friends. Some may argue that homeschooling children forces them to have a bond with each other, but that isn’t always the case.
There are several studies that show siblings within a two-to-four-year age gap tend to have increased sibling rivalry. In fact, some parents deliberately wait until their first child has turned at least five before deciding on having another child, either for health reasons or to better give each child individualized attention. Others have their second child closer to the first, to give them the opportunity to grow up together.
Shiraz Sheikh, a professor at both Seneca and York, shares his own sibling experience and advice for sibling relationships. Shiraz describes the relationship he had with his two younger sisters, and how it has changed as they’ve matured into adults.
“I would characterize my relationship with my sisters as good, but that’s only in the last few years,” he says. “I wouldn’t consider them my best friends, but I would say that a friendship is developing, maybe now that we’re adults. But growing up, I think that we had a tenuous relationship.
“In my own personal experience, I probably would have appreciated having an opportunity to go to siblings and have that type of friendship, because I’ve seen it with other people. Other friends of mine would have siblings closer in age, have good relationships with their siblings, and consider them friends. I did not personally have that, so I don’t know if that’s more of an ideal situation.
“Did I lose something, not having that? I would probably say ‘no,’ because I did have a lot of friends outside of family, who were very close and who I could go to. So it wasn’t something I was lacking, but maybe it was something that maybe at times I wished to have.”
Although Shiraz shared his personal experience with his sisters, when asked on what advice he’d provide to siblings who live in close quarters, he says: “I would tell those siblings to look at their family life not as a place of conflict, but as a place of mutual alliance. Not to dismiss this idea of relationships based on blood; you share something with your sibling that you can never share with somebody else, and that should ideally, logically, put your relationship at a much higher level, and a more stable level.
“So instead of looking at your siblings as maybe somebody from a hostile way, somebody you were to compete with, rather look at your sibling as your ally, the person you can always go to and count on to have your back.”
I believe it is true siblings will always have an unconditional bond, and like Shiraz, agree it is important. However, I must add that every person needs to understand and respect their siblings as a separate individual from the family. I truly believe Shiraz’s advice can work, only if the siblings can accept each other as their own person.
In my opinion, it is hard to maintain a relationship with siblings who fail to understand and accept that there are differences between family members. For example, I’m a very family-oriented person, who enjoys attending family events and menial tasks, such as calling on a weekly basis and remembering dates that are significant to some. However, my siblings fail to grasp why a phone call is more important to me, as opposed to solely attending special events.
Some may argue that there is a level of openness that must occur between siblings, but I believe it is crucial to emphasize the openness of communication to have a successful and healthy sibling relationship.
